Today I cried ... strange to write about it in the BLOG ... I thought a couple of hours tonight if it was the case to write about it here ... this is supposed to be a blog about my WALK THE EARTH ... but in a way also this is part of the JOURNEY ... at the end I just decided that I had to write somewhere about it ... write about sad things always helped me to better understand myself ... today is happening the same ... and because since I have the BLOG, I don't have anymore a diary ... I decided to write about it here ... in my BLOG ... but again it is a kind of sad story ... so if don't want to read about sad stories ... don't read the rest of this post ...
Everything started this morning when I did open the webpage of an Italian newspaper and I read that a former Italian National Team Football Player tried to commit suicide ... he didn't die ... but he is still in the IC ... he is a guy of my age ... only 1 year difference ... and he tried to commit suicide ... I coudn't believe it ... apparently he was depressed ... or at least this is the story that I read on the paper ...
In my life I had very close friends who are / were suffering of depression and I also had some distant relative and a close friend who commited suicide ... someone who I truly loved ... and of course everytime I hear about a suicide my memory goes back to the moment when I picked up the phone and I was told about it ... it was such a shock ... not only dead ... but commited suicide ... of course the first question was ... WHY? ... and after WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY? ... a lot of things popped in my mind ... the last time I crossed the eyes of the person ... the strange feeling that something was different in those eyes ... the time that I spent in the office and you didn't spend listening to that close friend ... in my case, I have to admit, I didn't feel responsible for that event ... at the same time ... every time I hear about a person who commits suicide I feel like a punch in my stomach ... I can't eat ... and eventually it is something that makes me cry ... I have such a joy for life that I can't really think how a person can commit suicide ... but at the same time I know that life is strange ... everything can change ... what yesterday was happiness can become sadness ... and I know that this is true for everybody ... for me as well ... I just hope to never find myself in such a desperate situation where I will think to kill myself ... it is such a nonsense ... but at the same time I believe that people who is doing it ... wants really to do it ...
I am not sure why I am writing you this ... or probably I know ... it helps me to realize that I am lucky. I am lucky because I know what I want from my life ... and I realized it a couple of years ago ... it happened during my trip to THAILAND and CAMBODIA ... I was in the main square of CHIANG MAI in THAILAND and I was reading a book ... there I realized which is the scope of my life ... BE HAPPY AND MAKE PEOPLE AROUND ME HAPPY ... kind of childish in a way ... but believe me ... it isn't for me ... for me it was and it is a great achievement to be able to put on top of my priorities in life my happiness and the happiness of the people around me ... and since then my life truly changed ... I only hope it will continue like this ...
Everything started this morning when I did open the webpage of an Italian newspaper and I read that a former Italian National Team Football Player tried to commit suicide ... he didn't die ... but he is still in the IC ... he is a guy of my age ... only 1 year difference ... and he tried to commit suicide ... I coudn't believe it ... apparently he was depressed ... or at least this is the story that I read on the paper ...
In my life I had very close friends who are / were suffering of depression and I also had some distant relative and a close friend who commited suicide ... someone who I truly loved ... and of course everytime I hear about a suicide my memory goes back to the moment when I picked up the phone and I was told about it ... it was such a shock ... not only dead ... but commited suicide ... of course the first question was ... WHY? ... and after WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY? ... a lot of things popped in my mind ... the last time I crossed the eyes of the person ... the strange feeling that something was different in those eyes ... the time that I spent in the office and you didn't spend listening to that close friend ... in my case, I have to admit, I didn't feel responsible for that event ... at the same time ... every time I hear about a person who commits suicide I feel like a punch in my stomach ... I can't eat ... and eventually it is something that makes me cry ... I have such a joy for life that I can't really think how a person can commit suicide ... but at the same time I know that life is strange ... everything can change ... what yesterday was happiness can become sadness ... and I know that this is true for everybody ... for me as well ... I just hope to never find myself in such a desperate situation where I will think to kill myself ... it is such a nonsense ... but at the same time I believe that people who is doing it ... wants really to do it ...
I am not sure why I am writing you this ... or probably I know ... it helps me to realize that I am lucky. I am lucky because I know what I want from my life ... and I realized it a couple of years ago ... it happened during my trip to THAILAND and CAMBODIA ... I was in the main square of CHIANG MAI in THAILAND and I was reading a book ... there I realized which is the scope of my life ... BE HAPPY AND MAKE PEOPLE AROUND ME HAPPY ... kind of childish in a way ... but believe me ... it isn't for me ... for me it was and it is a great achievement to be able to put on top of my priorities in life my happiness and the happiness of the people around me ... and since then my life truly changed ... I only hope it will continue like this ...
3 comments:
Dude,
I also knew some friend... when we were 10 years old we promissed to always be friends and grow up together. He committed suicide when he was 23 years old. He was the son of Amitzur Shapira, one of the 11 Israeli athletes that were murdered in 1972 Munich Olympics Tragedy. There are things difficult to understand.
Be good do good so the surround you will be good in return, that is a basic concept in the "Kabbalah". Not easy to implement but do not forget, even small candle can eliminate great darkness.
Take care.
I agree. Very sad.
My aunt committed suicide a few years back. Hard to think how there could be no other way or feel no one is there when really there is.
Thank you for sharing yourself - even the sad parts. They are a part of you too....
(& you do make people happy!)
I am sorry that this triggered bad memories for you. you are such a kind and loving person. You know I am here for you like you were and still are there for me
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